The world will not end Friday, despite popular predictions to the contrary.
I base this forecast on a single source, who I find as credible as the Maya, the Hopi, and even Nostradamus. He is almost as ancient, too.
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I am talking about The Amazing Kreskin--the TV mentalist who appeared on the Johnny Carson show 61 times between 1970 and 1980, and has also appeared several times on the late night shows of David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon. At 77 years old, Mr. Kreskin is still performing his comedic, mind-reading act, making more than 260 appearances in the last year. He also recently put out a book, "Conversations with Kreskin."
"The day after the end of the world, I'm going to take up drinking," he said in a telephone interview. "I don't drink, but I'm having a party celebrating the incident."
If Mr. Kreskin is right, he is truly amazing. He'll have successfully bet against all those doomsday documentaries we've suffered over the years on the History Channel, the Discovery Channel and even the National Geographic channel.
And if he is wrong? Well, there won't be anyone around to call him on it.
Mr. Kreskin, born in Montclair, N.J., as George Joseph Kresge, claims to read thousands of minds every year. He says he knows why so many people choose to believe in apocalyptic prophecies: "Unconsciously, they are pissed off."
Some religious people are so angry, they practically pray for the world to end, because the world is not the way their traditions say it ought to be. Recall preacher Harold Camping who posted billboards around the globe, and took to the airwaves, predicting the end would come May 21, 2011.
"If you're saying the world is going to end, and you're not a con artist, then give everything you have away," Mr. Kreskin said. "Let people spend it in the next few days, if what you say is true."
Meanwhile, those who aren't particularly religious don't have to look any further than the news to feel incensed. We've had an economic recovery teetering on edge, national and international crises, scandals, wars, acts of terror, and now we have senselessness rising to absurd new heights with elementary school students gunned down in Connecticut.
"People have become so damn frustrated," Mr. Kreskin said. "And the scientists, the sociologists, and the politicians--they have not given us realistic answers.
"The good thing is, [Dec. 21] will not be the end of the world," Mr. Kreskin predicted. "The bad news is that we will still have the same problems, and we will still have the same politicians in Congress."
The fiscal cliff, no matter how it's allegedly left resolved or unresolved by year-end, will still be with us next year, he predicts. It doesn't take much of a mind-reader to surmise there is no easy way around trillion-dollar budget deficits.
"If we picked, historically, the day Christ was born, and had a million dollars for every single day up to today, it would not add up to our debt," Mr. Kreskin said.
That's some Christmas greeting. But at least on his website, Kreskin has offered to fix our fiscal problems, himself. He said he would like to get all the key players into a room with no phones, TVs, computers or contact with anyone else.
"If I could get them alone, I could cause them, through the power of suggestion, to reflect and meditate, and inwardly see what their unconscious is telling them," he explained.
"They already know the answers. Both sides do. But they need to somehow be brought into harmony.
"Most of the problems we have in life, we create for ourselves. And politicians have certainly been able to create things," he said.
"Watch them on camera. They look like they are on the Jerry Springer show. They unconsciously know that they are part of a scene that Shakespeare called a stage. These people have been on stage for too long. We need to get them off the stage.
"They better get together and start harmonizing, mentally..."
So far, nobody in Washington, D.C., is taking Mr. Kreskin's offer seriously.
"If we pass any more laws, one of the major laws we need is for Congress to meet every three months, and before they meet, they should have a heavy drinking bout. ... Because I don't think what's being done now is working."
Mr. Kreskin said his fans routinely ask him to run for office. "I refuse to become involved in politics," he said, "because I have much greater respect for organized crime.
"If you think I sound sarcastic, you're damned right," he said. "The American people have paid for the right to be sarcastic."