Women in the Workplace: Escaping the Cat's Claw

You know them by sight. They’re at the front desk, in the cubicle next to you, in the office down the hall. They may even sign your paycheck. It doesn’t matter what position they hold -- it’s their predisposition to cattiness that causes the fur to fly. 

By the time a woman reaches the workplace, gossip, backstabbing and other catty behavior can be as familiar to her as her Oprah-approved over the shoulder boulder holder (or “brassiere” for those who don’t watch Oprah). But is there an escape from the cat’s claw?  

That’s the question we ask in The Catty, Catty Ways of Women in the Workplace, a book conceived and written as a tongue-in-cheek story that focuses on an embedded cattiness that is alive and passing from one generation of women to another.

Now, to be fair, men are equally catty, but they are far less likely to be labeled gossips. So why do women do it?  We asked this question to a very broad range of females all across the country. Their answers included a few of the following theories: It feeds an ego. Dishing the dirt is fun.  It helps influence office politics. Gossip levels a playing field through break room rumor mills. Gossip makes one feel powerful, in control.

Chances are, if you find the desk to which people flock, you’ll find an individual who acts as the company’s emotional pharmacist, freely dispensing the juiciest of gossip—no prescription necessary, just the promise that you won’t tell anyone.

Coco Fisher, one of the book’s main characters, was created to reflect this type of personality, the woman who, when she looks in the mirror, does not see herself as the office busybody who makes a point of knowing everyone’s business. Nor does she recognize that her actions can hurt feelings, break trust, derail productivity and destroy reputations, someone else’s or her own. And in Coco’s case, there was never a truer statement than “what goes around comes around.”

Let’s be honest: Sometimes gossip is just too delicious to pass up. It’s like the perfect chocolate bar with the illusion of zero calories. Indulging feels so good. But treat yourself to one too many and you could find yourself carrying around 100 extra pounds of guilt.

Are we exaggerating the epidemic proportions of cattiness? Take your pick of TV programs—The View, Desperate Housewives, Dirt. There’s even a show called Gossip Girl. Anonymous.com allows people to post anything about anyone without regard to truth or fear of repercussions. The hands-down favorite section of the New York Post among women is Page Six, the gossip column. Women also keep gossip rags such as, The National Enquirer and The Star in the black with weekly purchases at their neighborhood grocery store. It’s in their cart with the milk and eggs.

So what’s a woman in the workplace to do about cattiness?

Here’s what we are doing: We ask women in the workplace to explore, strengthen, and embrace their own self-worth, and never be tempted to destroy another’s. To recognize the power of measured words, remembering that once you say something harmful, you can never take it back. To champion those who do not have a voice and not engage in malicious gossip. To channel positive energies into self-improvement for professional and personal growth. To share acquired experience with those who need a guiding hand. To examine how you can best support your female colleagues in the workplace. To respect other women and see the value of their lives and the friends they might become. To put into perspective the hectic pace of the world we live in and find a balance that allows you to be thankful for what you have. To maintain a dignity by keeping your personal life out of the office.  If you master these nine steps, you’re on your way to becoming a mentor, which is the core of our book’s Meow Pledge.

Food for thought: You burn more calories lifting someone up than by keeping them down. Lose the habit of cattiness and you will lose the weight of harmful actions. Cattiness is not a plague or a virus. It’s a learned trait and so addictive. The good news is that cattiness is curable. We challenge you to take the cure and pass it on.
               

Marcia Ellett has an MA in professional writing from the University of Southern California. She has held positions as editor and writer in both book and magazine publishing.

J. Andy Murphy is a published author, agent and executive director of the WriteStuff Writers Workshops. She spent 20 years in public relations before starting her own company.

Questions for the writers? E-mail andymurphy@sbcglobal.net.