There’s this exercise in The Artist’s Way by author Julia Cameron that asks you to list five people you admire, then five people you secretly admire. The idea is to determine what traits these people have that you can cultivate in yourself.

I once led a community discussion about this at a local used bookstore and the results were fascinating. A number of people were baffled by the “secretly admire” part of the exercise. For me this was very clear, and my list always goes something like this: 1. Madonna, 2. Howard Stern, 3. Frank Sinatra, 4. Barbra Streisand, 5. the ’86 Mets. I am well aware this list is making lots of people wince as they read it, but I stand by it. This is why Cameron called for digging deeper than the societally acceptable choices like Abraham Lincoln and Mother Teresa that typically come up in the first list.

So, what does my now not-so-secret list tell me? Well, apparently I admire people who are generally perceived as narcissistic, arrogant and full of themselves. This was perhaps never more apparent than one day in a bookstore when I reached for Katherine Hepburn’s autobiography and my friend said she didn’t like her because she was too ‘my way or the highway’; of course, that was the quality I loved about her most. But let’s not leave off an essential piece that I believe makes these people worthy of admiration – they have a winning combination of talent and boldness, they relentlessly pursue their passions and they walk their talk.

All of this has been brought to mind for me lately by the rampant use of the words "narcissistic", "arrogant", "self-centered", "presumptuous", "overconfident", and "audacious" in describing one of our presidential candidates. If you Google “Obama, narcissist” you will find plenty of reading material and evidence that this has become the au courant thing to say about Barack Obama. If you Google “McCain, narcissist” you will find references to Obama being a narcissist that mention John McCain in passing.

As one who has not met and psychologically evaluated either of the candidates, but who seems to have this admitted fascination with gifted, passionate people who put it out there full force, this life coach finds herself wondering why narcissism has become such a hot button term. (Just to be clear, I’m sticking with its more casual use here and not the troubling clinical version).

In his book The Taboos of Leadership, author Anthony F. Smith – an active coach and consultant who has served such clients as ESPN, American Express and the Walt Disney Company -- writes that blatant self-interest is the way of leaders. “It is wild that when we hear the term ‘self-interest’ we automatically think it must be bad, that all self-interest is driven by something less than noble,” Smith says. “If our leaders, in business or in politics, were not responding to their own self-interest, I would have little faith that they would do all that it takes to lead. The commitment would be fragile if it were not in their ‘self-interest’ to lead.”

When we decide how we want to be in the world, what we want to accomplish, the impact we want to have, it requires knowing ourselves, educating ourselves, developing ourselves. Focusing on self isn’t necessarily detrimental to others, lacking in empathy, or masking low self-esteem. That knowledge, education, development will help make us better, more confident people and, in turn, be more beneficial to our family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and well, our country.

What I’ve been hearing lately are swipes at the idea of our presidential candidates having too much confidence. I’m gathering this is because people who haven’t mastered or even mustered self-confidence find it very threatening. Would it really resonate the same way if “Yes we can” came from a self-deprecating, gee-whiz kind of guy? If you’re going to mount a presidential campaign built on hope, then you better darned well think pretty highly of yourself and the plan you’re putting forth. Just the same, would McCain supporters want to vote for a man who doesn’t think he’s uniquely qualified to lead the United States in such challenging times?

Going back to the exercise above, the last step requires I look at my secretly admire list and see how I have or can cultivate these traits in myself. The answer is by recognizing that writing is my gift (done), by making mastery of it a priority (done) and by sharing it in order to inspire others (in progress). This means I have to have a lot to say and believe others are interested in hearing it. Arrogant or confident? Who’s to say? Are you reading this because you think I have nothing to say?

I recently took a quiz on Beliefnet.com called “Are You a Narcissist?”. After you answer some questions, the results put you in one of three categories – Selfless Spirit, Occasional Narcissist or Ego-Maniac. I was dismayed to find I’m in the first category. (Yes, that’s right, dismayed. I have some work to do). To me, the ideal is Occasional Narcissist. Selfless Spirits can display martyr tendencies or be so self-deprecating that it’s tough to take. And, put simply, who wants to be an Ego-Maniac?

As this election year is showing us, everyone has their own level of tolerance when it comes to self-centeredness. In the memoir writing class I’m taking, a young woman recently remarked on Oprah Winfrey’s narcissism with a roll of her eyes. I suppose the irony of expressing this opinion in a class where we’ve all paid to write about ourselves and our lives escaped her. I have heard countless critiques of the wildly popular Eat, Pray, Love that referenced author Elizabeth Gilbert’s self-absorption. Folks, it’s a memoir! If it doesn’t resonate with you, no sweat, but find a better reason to diss it. By virtue of it being a memoir, it’s supposed to be about her -- her feelings, her insights, her journey.

In Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, he describes No. 7, the Law of “Dharma” or purpose in life, like this – “Everyone has a purpose in life … a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

Yes and amen. It is the duty of those in public service to be all they can be and give us all they have when the job they covet is to lead us and represent us in the world. I encourage my life coaching clients to pursue their passions full throttle, as I do mine, and I want no less from our presidential candidates. If I don’t like one’s message or self-centeredness or his taste in ties for that matter, I can choose to pull the lever on the other side of the ballot.

Bring me a leader who thinks he’s got what it takes and then walks his talk. I’ll be happy to add him to the list of arrogant people I admire.

Nancy Colasurdo is a practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.