A life coach’s open letter to Carrie Prejean, including some suggested affirmations:

Dear Carrie --

Since you’ve decided to put yourself in the spotlight by writing a book about your experience in the Miss USA pageant, and subsequently invite all forms of reaction to it, I’m writing to put in my two cents.

I don’t know you, but after reading Still Standing it seems that what you think about gay marriage is small potatoes. Your story is about so much more than that now. It’s about shining a scathing spotlight on that throwback to the 1950s -- the pageant circuit. And it’s about speaking to women with religious beliefs that seemingly clash with their healthy sexuality. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that would put you in a majority in this country.

Believe me, I know this is asking a lot at this stage of the game, but I was wondering if you might consider talking to your peeps about changing your whole media strategy. You see, you are in a unique position to deliver a message that transcends partisan politics and I guarantee you it will get you mucho press. Enough already with the “I have a gay hair dresser stuff.” That’s small time. Think big picture.

I’m talking about the authentic message just waiting to be expressed. Not the one your family or your church or your Christian college wants you to send, regardless of how supportive they’ve all been. Not the one “pious” Carrie thinks she should send. Or the one the conservatives who have propped you up to advance their own agendas want you to espouse. But the real, integrated Carrie who has strong religious beliefs and enjoys physical pleasure. You know, the human Carrie.

Look, I completely disagree with you on the whole gay marriage thing, but really that’s just a piece of what’s going on here. I know you think that was your downfall and I know you want to take up for conservative women and how they’re portrayed in the media because you’ve been pilloried. But listen, we wouldn’t even know about your views on gay marriage if women weren’t still putting themselves on display for male edification in beauty pageants. Trust me, women of all stripes would appreciate it if you focused on what’s wrong with that world. A world, I might add, that has been denounced as sexist by mostly impassioned liberal women (ask Gloria Steinem what it’s like to be pilloried).

Honestly, Carrie, I can’t help but think you won in a very significant way. Not to minimize the nastiness you’ve encountered, but when’s the last time anyone on the pageant circuit cared what a contestant thought about anything? The Miss USA atmosphere you describe in your book, rife with cutthroat, catty competition, all to get the ultimate approval and attention of men (and the material rewards that come with that), is like a microcosm of what’s wrong with our societal dynamic.

You let a guy from this creepy insular world talk you into breast implants and I’m happy to see you take full responsibility for that in your book. With regard to the photos that have come to light, you say, “I blame it all on Carrie Prejean.” Again, fully owning up to your mistakes. That’s commendable and, interestingly, very different from what    I’ve been hearing in the press.

You’re still very young, so I know this is a lot to process. And it’s easy for me to say you should take this up a notch and focus on eviscerating the pageant circuit. There is a chilling scene in your book where pageant contestants are put under the scrutiny of Donald Trump and it reduces some of them to tears. It’s despicable. Exposing that is a start, but why make your whole message about political correctness when it could be so much more meaningful and bold?      You’ve come this far.

In the meantime, your ex-boyfriend has released video you thought was private and made it a public spectacle. It allegedly shows you pleasuring yourself. Rise above and speak truth: Women are sexual; it is healthy to masturbate; any message given by religion that says otherwise is preaching some superficial utopian idea of what women should be. (In my humble opinion, not embracing your sexuality would make you the Barbie doll you have emphatically stated you are not.)

As a life coach, I offer some affirmation ideas to reinforce all that you’ve learned about yourself through this tumultuous year: I am beautiful and it comes from within. I am smart. I have strong opinions and I’m not afraid to express them regardless of the price. I am powerful. And, yes, I am sexual. Christians are sexual beings just like everyone else and it’s about time we stopped pretending otherwise.

Now that would sell some books.

You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Nancy Colasurdo

Nancy Colasurdo is a practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.