Instead of flowers or an overcrowded brunch, I want to give you something very special this Mother’s Day.  I hope you know how much I appreciate all that you’ve done, and continue to do for me. There’s no way I can ever re-pay you. All I can do is live my life the best way I know, based on the example you set and the values you taught me. 

It may seem odd, but instead of giving you a gift to mark your special day, I am going to ask you to do something for me…

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You see, Mom, I’m worried about you. You’ve always put everyone else first: your kid kids, husband, grandma and grandpa, other family members, neighbors, the PTA, church, etc... 

I don’t know how you pulled off the perfect Christmas ever year, or how you always seemed to know exactly what each of us wanted most for our birthdays. You held our hand and walked us to our first day of school. You whipped up your special chicken soup at the first sign of a sniffle. You loaned us a shoulder to cry on when we had our first disappointment in love, and proudly beamed from the first pew when (finally!) we found “the one.” 

But you didn’t just pour your time and energy into our family. Now that I’m an adult, I realize you and dad also sacrificed financially. Although I wouldn’t describe our family as rich, I never once felt we did without something. Whether one of us needed cleats for softball or braces for our teeth, we got them. The house was always full of books. We took a family vacation every year (although some of the car trips were kinda long).  There was never any question that we’d go to college.

I know you felt bad about not being there when we got home from school, but I realize that your job helped pay for the “extras” that made our family life special. I hope I can re-create that trip to Disney World when I have children.

The reason I’m worried about you, Mom, is that while you were taking care of us, you weren’t taking care of yourself financially. You weren’t able to put much, if anything, aside for retirement. I know dad has some investments, but I doubt it’s enough considering you’re probably going to outlive him by a number of years.

But it’s never too late to start. I know you have a 401(k) plan at work. Please try to contribute the maximum allowed ($10,500 in 2008). Since you’re turning 50 this year, you can contribute an additional $1,000. Hopefully, your employer will make a generous contribution, as well.

A survey by Bank of America found that 30% of Americans think retirement planning is at least as difficult as starting a fitness routine. And it’s tougher for women. Females are 1.5 times more likely than men to say they got a late start at planning for retirement. 

Women also find it more challenging to determine which investments they should use.  They’re also more worried about the outlook for Social Security, and for good reason  Retired women are much more dependent on Social Security than men.

Starting this Mother’s Day, we’re giving you permission to get selfish about your money and get serious about your financial future.

Scale back on the birthday gifts. We’re all working and can get what we want, anyway. On holidays, let’s put the focus on being together instead of buying a bunch of stuff. If you add up what you spend on everyone else during the year, I bet you’d have at least $2,000. That would be a big down payment on your annual IRA contribution.

And please, get tough when it comes to those “loans” some of us are guilty of asking for.  (I’m sure you’ve figured out that we always come to you instead of Dad because you never turn us down!)  It’s time we act like adults: If we want something, we should just save up the money. I’m embarrassed for myself and my siblings when I think of how many times we have “forgotten” to repay you.

Frankly, the best gift you can give all of us kids, Mom, is to do whatever it takes to make sure you will be financially comfortable in retirement.

Really.

I know that it’s tough to change a lifetime habit, so please cut out the sign at the beginning of this letter and post it on the refrigerator.

I love you, Mom.

Your kid,  ________

If you have a question for Gail Buckner and the Your $ Matters column, send them to: yourmoneymatters@gmail.com, along with your name and phone number.