The U.S. Needs a President, Not a Buddy

Here’s a message to all presidential candidates: you're running to be my president, not my pal.

So don't think you're impressing me, when you are explaining how you're not dressing up for me.

“I wore a suit tonight, I didn’t wear the $1 sweater like I did last time from Kohl’s (although I think this shirt is from Kohl’s) … the suit is from Jos. A Bank, so I guess I didn’t get that at Kohl’s. But I saw a couple others out here, a couple guys, the three of us stood together to take a picture, I said, ‘the three of us together get paid the price of one suit,’ so that’s pretty good," Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin recently said.

Governor, I'm impressed you're frugal when it comes to what you wear, but all this everyman stuff is wearing thin.

Because is it me -- or are all the likely presidential candidates emphasizing their humble roots a bit too much?

“Most Americans get their start the way I did, in a small business,” says Carly Fiorina.

“They're lecturing me, the son of a bartender and a maid, about the plight of the middle class,” says Marco Rubio.

“My dad put himself through college at night, he worked at an ice cream plant,” says Chris Christie.

“When I was young we didn’t have electricity or running water,” says Rick Perry.

Guys, enough with acting like you're one of us. You may one day be leading us.

We don't expect to belly up to you in a bar, chances are, if you're president, your Secret Service would shoot us if we tried.

So quit trying so hard to be like us. And just explain how you plan to lead us.

We're looking for a CEO, not a guy you see at the mall. Someone we can look up to, not necessarily relate to. I like my presidents like I like my hard-to-get in golf clubs -- respectfully distant.

So just like I wouldn't trust a club that would make me a member, I wouldn't trust the next guy with their finger on the button trying to make me their buddy.

I'm not. And I will never be.

That doesn't mean I want you to be some arrogant jerk who doesn't care, but just don't go the other way and be some flannel-wearing schmuck, thinking maybe then I will care.

I won't. Ever.

If you are elected president, you'll be in a whole different league. And I'll be quite happy watching my boys play Little League.