With foreclosure fast becoming the new “f” word and the unemployment rate hovering at around 10% of the labor force, the impending holiday season is already producing its share of angst rather than cheer for so many among us.

So this is my gentle request to please be mindful of the family, friend or community member who may be struggling financially but is too embarrassed to say so as we plan and buy and flash the credit card. This, readers, is a call for compassionate socializing and more thoughtful gift giving and maybe even a nudge to develop extraordinary intuition around who might be hurting in your life.

This topic touches me deeply, since it is a not-so-distant memory for me to be feeling holiday angst. After being laid off from my television producing job in early 2002, I struggled to establish myself as an independent contractor with two main streams of income – life coaching and freelance writing. And so I speak here as one who has been unable to afford extravagant gift giving and socializing over the holidays yet likes -- make that loves -- indulgences and beautiful things.

The first holiday season after the layoff was devastating for me, a self-confessed control freak. I couldn’t afford gifts and “going out for a Christmas drink” was even too pricey. Fortunately I had loving people in my life who were generous, but in some ways their generosity only served to make me feel worse because I couldn’t reciprocate.

The subsequent holiday season was almost worse in that I felt deprived of partaking yet again. I was recovering financially but certainly not in a position to lavish gifts on people. Of course I scaled my shopping list way back. Friends were cut. Children of friends were cut, except for some lovingly baked cookies. Suddenly, though, I realized I was enjoying the season more because I was spending less time standing in exasperating lines at stores. Instead, it became about things like taking in the festive windows in New York and just exploring its bustling neighborhoods with an occasional stop for a hot beverage.

It was somewhere around the third or fourth Christmas after the layoff that it hit me: a simple holiday was a more meaningful holiday. The big fat list didn’t need to come back. This shift in priorities didn’t have to be temporary at all. It could be my new way of life. And it is.

Don’t confuse this with zero gift giving. I’ve learned to express my gratitude and love with thoughtful, simple gifts that make people say things like, “Wow, you really listened.” That could come with a $10 price tag or a $500 price tag, depending on your budget; the bottom line is it shouldn’t be about you trying to impress with how much you spent (often my old M.O.).

Over the years since that layoff, I’ve reached a place where I’ve become more comfortable setting boundaries but it’s not always easy. If a book club wants to have a $20 Secret Santa and even that feels like it’s pushing someone’s budget, that person can speak up or opt out. But in many cases, people are too embarrassed to do so and they wind up digging themselves in deeper. How about -- regardless of your own circumstances -- striving to be the person who recognizes that one member of the club is shifting in her chair and maybe suggesting an alternative?

This is what I call compassionate socializing and it actually extends to situations all year long. Take the trend of inviting a dozen or more people to celebrate your birthday in a restaurant and expecting that they pick up the tab. It’s typically divided equally, regardless of one person’s four martinis and another’s love of champagne. Now this might be the norm in your social circle, but given the unemployment statistics in the country, odds are you have one or two friends that can no longer throw that kind of caution to the wind.

What if they love you, want to celebrate with you, but simply can’t lay out the cash? Think before sending out those Evites, folks. Or at the very least, don’t get petulant when someone opts out. They’re probably mortified.

If in your belief system things happen for a reason, then maybe the reason the nation is in an economic crisis is because some of us need to learn humility, compassion or what real giving is.

Undoubtedly, that shift would bring more joy to the world.

Nancy Colasurdo is a practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.