We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we BELIEVE they are the truth.

--Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

 

The other day a friend said, “How are you?”

“I don’t know if I’m Zen or need to be talked off a ledge,” I replied.

And I meant it. Not a literal ledge, of course, but the ambivalence part was right on.

I will be spending Easter weekend with my family. I am no longer Christian, but I do love the spirit of renewal that comes with this holiday and I respect those who celebrate it full out. There will be way too much food, laughter as we color eggs, and a complete avoidance of discussing politics.

While the “no religion or politics” rule for a peaceful gathering has been around for ages, it has taken on a whole new meaning now. The passage of health care reform last week has made it nearly impossible to have civilized, meaningful dialogue with diverse opinions, whether it’s around the family table, on Facebook, at the gym or in the workplace. Sweeping generalizations, intolerance of differences, and flat-out hatred are halting conversations that otherwise might have had people seeing their common ground or even being swayed to another way of thinking.

The headlines the last few weeks have been maddening, but it’s the assumptions we’re all – yes, I said all, including me -- making about our fellow Americans that has me a little cuckoo.

For example, a fellow who draws his paycheck from the very network whose logo is at the top of this column recently informed his viewers that the progressives who supported health care reform are the same people who blame this country for 9/11. That is, of course, absurd, and cannot be substantiated, but it went unchallenged. Therefore, a lot of people assume it is true.

Even worse, though, is that many sensible Americans who feel health care reform is taking us down the wrong road, who respectfully disagree with this administration’s approach and world view, are being drowned out in the rhetoric. Putting assumptions aside and having a discussion about policy pros and cons isn’t nearly as compelling, is it?

Then we have the racial component. As one columnist and pundit after another opines that much of the opposition to health care reform is racially based, the other side gets defensive. Actually, they’re both right. Only a fool could deny that a segment of haters opposes this President no matter what he does. Just as only someone with tunnel vision thinks it’s all about race. Again, let’s not assume the most vocal represent the whole.

I don’t need to watch news clips or hear pundits recycle the same tired anecdotes to know that there are a lot of racists in this country and it is motivating them to get politically active. I am related to folks in that category. Way before Barack Obama was even a presidential candidate, discussion at a family barbecue centered on anger (fear?) at whites becoming a minority. I am related to Church-going people who believe President Obama is not a United States citizen and who subscribe to an “us” vs. “them” mentality when it comes to our country.

If we don’t agree we’re enemies? Where does this come from? It’s so disheartening. And it’s not just focused on one issue.

After health reform became law, I had an acquaintance tell me that a public official needs a bullet in his head and didn’t back off when I challenged him in horror. I had a Facebook friend who blames the “liberal media” for shining a spotlight on pedophilia and its massive cover-ups in the Catholic Church. I had a recent conversation with a peace-loving Muslim who, seemingly out of nowhere, started ripping on homosexuals.

Can I call any of these folks the majority in their respective religion, gender, political affiliation, sexual orientation or race? Of course not.

But isn’t it disturbing that we can’t even agree as a society that a bunch of armed people potentially plotting to kill police officers in an organized fashion is a scary proposition? Instead, we get comments like these on a mainstream news Web site:

~ “Gee, if only a fraction of the effort that Obama expends to go after Republicans, conservatives and Tea Parties was spent going after Islamic terrorists, America would be a much safer place. Oh, wait, my bad, Obama doesn't want America to be safe.”

~ “And so it begins: Obama has officially begun a war against the American people. First it will be the so called ‘Christian’ militants, soon Obama will be shutting down churches and herding conservatives into camps. We’ve seen this pattern throughout history.”

It’s things like this militia story -- seemingly one of those rare black-and-white situations that most could agree on -- that makes me wonder if it’s futile to even expend energy trying to wrap my head around any of it.

I set out to write this column several times, then backed off, wondering what good it would do. But my virtual “pen” is my way of sorting things out and I came back to the exercise, determined that by the end of this column something would reveal itself. Here it is:

What I can do, what I can control, is me. I must take as much responsibility as the next person to treat those who disagree with more respect and not paint them with a broad brush. It is my daily challenge to myself. Whether in conversation or through this forum, I have a responsibility to try to bring some humanity to the table, to listen to individuals who feel lumped in and silenced by the prevailing cacophony of hate noise and take their views into thoughtful consideration.

That’s what I can do as Good Friday’s suffering gives way to Easter’s rebirth.

That’s what I’ve got.

Nancy Colasurdo is a practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.