A multi-lingual friend who has been watching international news coverage of the earthquake in Haiti glowed with optimism about humanity when I saw him at a recent social occasion.

“It makes me hopeful,” he said.

I think I’m jealous.

Most who know me would agree I can be an almost sickeningly persistent glass half-full person. My life coaching clients bank on it. And yet, despite the fact that so many of my fellow citizens have stepped up and that there is a steady stream of sweet stories coming from Haiti, I can’t shake the handful of disturbing reactions I’ve heard and read. And I’m not even talking about the Pat Robertson or Rush Limbaugh absurdities we’ve been subjected to for days.

I’m talking about people not in the limelight. You know, Joe Average expressing himself through media. Like a radio host’s audience that is displeased with President Obama because he doesn’t note “American exceptionalism” enough when he talks about Haiti. Or folks filling message boards with bitter, paranoid and me-first comments directed to those who choose to help out with a donation.

On the first point, feel free to enlighten me, but I can’t think of a single spiritual discipline or religion that says before you write a check to help the family down the street with their sick child’s hospital bills, poll your neighbors to compare your amount to theirs so you can brag about how fabulously generous you are. This is what people want our leader to do on a global scale. We’re supposed to constantly puff out our chests and tout American exceptionalism? Just preposterous.

If there’s one thing that makes America truly exceptional, it’s our freedom to choose. If you don’t want to give to a particular cause, then don’t give. But can’t you be silent or gracious about it? If you feel you’ve given enough to Haiti through your taxes, then relax and continue living your life. But don’t project your personal discomfort onto people who want to contribute. Where does this come from? It’s such an insecure and classless thing to do.

Here’s a happy citizen expressing on a major media message board: “Overpopulation results in a perpetual state of potential ‘tragedy’ in the waiting at any given point in time. At this point, we have about six times the number of humans on this planet than there should be in order to maintain stasis. It isn't a ‘tragedy’ when nature shifts things around a bit and takes out relatively small populations of breeders. The REAL tragedy here for all of you bleeding hearts is our inevitable future if we don't stop promoting overpopulation via feeding, clothing and providing medicine for these people.”

Like it or not, Internet commentary is a gauge of our pulse as a people. I mostly manage to be an optimist in the face of negativity and flat-out cruelty on the Web, but I suppose I don’t know how you can watch those images of Haitians and all that destruction without opening your heart. You can take a stand not to open your wallet and still be happy that others are stepping up. I feel that way about causes all the time, the ones I weed out of my personal giving plan.

A few years ago I attended a fundraiser for a family whose house had burned down and someone in my life revealed that she’d decided not to give because she heard the fire started due to a lack of home maintenance. In other words, she would have been more inclined to donate had the fire not been preventable. I was shocked, but I suppose it is natural that some causes or events pull at our heartstrings and some don’t. To me, a family whose possessions are gone is a family in need regardless of how it happened.

As I write this, howling winds are outside the window of my cozy, heated apartment. I just came home in the driving rain, past a homeless woman, and thinking about all those Haitian people with nowhere to go. Not the humble structures some of them called home. Not a toilet. Not a shower. The favorite chair, treasured photo, most happily worn shirt – all gone. I can’t fathom it.

It feels like a call to live our lives in a place of awareness with as much humanity as we can, whatever that means to each of us.

“I come to Golden Globes weekend and I am conflicted how to have my happy movie self in the face of everything    I’m aware of in the real world, and that’s when I have my mother’s voice coming to me: Partners in Health, shoot some money to Partners In Health, and be damn grateful you have the dollars to help,” Meryl Streep said while accepting her award. “And I am grateful. I’m really grateful.”

Me, too. And working my way back to hopeful.

(Note: To learn more about thoughtful giving, read my Jan. 1, 2010 Game Plan column called Crafting a Generosity Plan.)

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Nancy Colasurdo is a practicing life coach and freelance writer. Her Web site is www.nancola.com. Please direct all questions/comments to FOXGamePlan@gmail.com.