Does anyone have a crowbar?

We're going to need one to pry Stuart's wallet open. To thank the team for our hard work (and great shows, if I do say so myself) during this recent stretch of crazy market days, Stuart has agreed to take us out to lunch.

We all love working with Stuart. No one has any complaints about the way he treats us. But we are really looking forward to this lunch. It's not so much our joy about having a nice paid-for lunch, it's the pain we are inflicting on Stuart. The reason: Stuart is cheap.

Maybe cheap isn't the right word for Stuart. It's just that in his value system, thrift is a virtue, as he often says. Also, he often says the pleasure of money is in piling it up, not in spending it. He told Father Jonathan Morris accumulating capital is the greatest thing one can do in life. He called it "liquid freedom." He's like Scrooge McDuck, he'd rather swim in his money than spend it.

I'm not being entirely fair. He does take us out to lunch once a year, for Christmas, whether we deserve it or not. Though he does demand we eat every single morsel off our plates before ordering dessert. I had quite the bellyache after last year's outing.

But the fact that Stuart made the offer (of his own free will) to take us to lunch, despite his aversion to spending, shows how much he appreciates the effort we put into producing this show.

I guess there is such a thing as a free lunch. And this one is going to taste pretty good. Because Stuart is picking up the bill. If he doesn't duck out for the bathroom right before the check arrives.

Stuart Varney joined FOX Business Network (FBN) as an anchor in 2007 and is the host of "Varney & Co." (9-11 AM/ET) on weekdays. Click here for more information about Stuart Varney